updatings

so i've been designing the new facade for this world wide treat. it involves yellow and css. that's mainly why i don't post to this thing enough. i mean i do have posts that i intend to write...i just haven't been able to get around to them. i'm sorry, i'll try to make a more concerned effort for fear of an old fashioned straight razor induced face cut.

rock.
m$

tv season

'tis the season for new tv shows. as a result the little tivo machine has been the busiest of rascals. here are two of the mindboggling shows i have gotten a chance to "peep" (notice the hipness that i have displayed by including that little colloquialism):

medical investigation: nbc - holy crap this show is stupid. 5 superhero doctors fly around the world in their cargo jet, most likely funded by misappropriated healthcare funds, and solve various medical mysteries...but not before killing several children first. they all have fun superhero powers too, like the power of having children, or the ability to not know anything about medicine.

lost: abc - jj! that crazy rascal who brought you alias now provides a show aobut plane crash survivors living on a tropical island with polar bears and monsters. it definately feels like another jj rockout, and while much of the show serves to baffle me i keep watching.

i do periodically watch descent television, but this stuff leaves a bit of a residual "brain stain," so it's easier to recall. i suppose i'll write about that another time.

rock.
m$

holy eff...oh and vikings too.

sometimes my life is very busy. so busy i forget to type things. and then sometimes life imitates a g.i. joe episode. that is usually when i remember to write things. this is the site that image is from...it can be translated through bablefish. i shall be looking into the mining/excavation industry more closely in the weeks to come.

speaking of excavation...how 'bout them vikings?

rock.
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in me-*hic*-memorium. *hic*

i haven't posted in quite some time. i've been busy slamming my head against a wall. now i understand the thoughts behind the gesture, but come on now, let's just think this through for a second...

anyway, here we go. start with the hiccup lovers' website...yes, i said hiccup lovers' website. it's a site devoted to how much people love the hiccups...in an erotic way. that's right, it has stories, sightings, video, sound files and more! but wait, that's not all. now if you look a bit of the way down the right hand side of the page, in the pastel menu area, there is a link to the old page layout. please take notice of the very first thing written on the top of the page.

"In memory of all those who lost their lives on September 11, 2001".

a website about people who find the hiccups erotic is dedicating their website to the fatalities of 9/11. what the hell?

rock.
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muscle baby

so how about that freaky german muscle baby.

For now, the little boy is healthy and very strong, able to hold two 6.6-pound weights horizontally with his arms extended. But while the muscles in his arms and legs are twice as big as the muscles of other children his age, Schuelke said, "he is not extreme: you wouldn't recognize him if you saw him on the street."
-azcentral.com

he is not extreme? 6.6 lbs. at age four-and-a-half sounds pretty extreme to me! as in lou ferrigno extreme. seriously, did you see his little legs! but all that aside, people are just freaking over the medical repercussions of this ankle-biting gym monkey. everybody's all like "hey, this crazy little baby has no myostatin in his blood!". and other people are like "holy crap, what does that mean?". and then scientists are like, "that means he is missing the protein that tells his muscles to stop constantly building themselves up!". and then those first people are like "woah! wait, i'm sorry i wasn't really listening...can you say that again?". and then the scientists get irritated, but repeat themselves anyway. and then the people are like, "so not having that stuff makes you really muscular?". and the scientists say, "yup. they did a study on cows and mice a long time ago, but didn't know if it would work in people until recently,". and then some people think man that could help people with muscular diseases (click link, hit CTRL+F, type muscle diseases) like muscular dystrophy!", while other people think if i block my myostatin i bet i could build some wicked huge muscles!". and then i see all of these things and get saddened.

don't get me wrong i hope it can help people, but a cruel fact of life is people have to die; our ecosystem is having enought difficulty supporting us as it is! so do we really want to keep trying to wipe out everything that poses a threat to life. not to mention the fact that maybe this kid will run out of satellite cells and just atrophy in his 20s/30s. then again maybe he'll form an elite team of crime fighting superheros...or what if he becomes some sort of super villian! or what if he's just a normal guy who happens to be really strong?

for me, the only important part of the story is nobody knows who his father is...which is just crazy talk. simple logic (really stong, crazy genetics, eastern european) tells us it must be ivan drago.

rock.
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remember the alamo...and by alamo i mean music that i like

i love putting in a cd i haven't listened to in a while and rediscovering why i bought it in the first place. in this case, i found my way back to the twelve-string delights of leo kottke, and before that jurassic 5. i also do this a lot with bob mould's various bands and projects.

rock.
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three cheers for lions gate and ifc films

so michael moore made a movie recently that won the cannes film festival. unfortunately at that time there wasn't a film distributor in north america that would touch it...until now. lions gate (which is actually a canadian film distribution company) and a branch of the independent film channel are now doing what they need to, and putting the cash where it has to be. the film is called fahrenheit 9/11. everything i've read about it is quite good. in fact, on mr. moore's site you can find a link to the trailer for the film and three screen shots from the movie itself. the slated release date is june 25th.

rock.
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the word is out

i was checking a webmail account (hotmail) today and ran into porn spam, big surprise (especially when dealing with hotmail). except this one had the subject heading which read "greatest dollar value...sexually explicit". so not only does the internet think i'm a pervert, but they think i'm some sort of cheap-o. awesome. five minutes after i encountered the email my high school guidance counselor called me, laughed and screamed i told you so.

rock.
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the thrifty perv

at least the chin scrape wasn't too conspicuous

three cheers for the commander in chief. he once again proved he has no idea what he's doing. but at least his makeup was good.

there were several issues that got me all riled up yesterday as i tuned into npr. but don't worry, there's no need to discuss them; it's easier just to link up some articles that other people have already written. besides, i'm sure he pissed most people off in the same ways.

now don't get me wrong, i've got no problem with the ol' star and stripes...my beef lies with the man in the uncle sam outfit.

anyway, read on my handsome friends, read on...
***it should be noted that the washington post requires a membership to view their articles. if you don't have a subscription just click here and follow the first link to success***

the washington post.com has a nice little overview of what went down yesterday in carlisle, pennsyltucky.
newscientist.com has a tidbit regarding the actions of those few rogue soldiers who took it upon themselves to abuse prisoners...without any military knowledge.
according to newsmax.com -america's news page-(i.e. a horribly slanted republican news site) the economy and employment situation are on the rebound but theage.com.au ran a piece about the strength of our dollar.
i also found some stuff on msn's slate and at the home of the "life engine".

by the by, if you have a little time to kill you can go write a speech or two fer dubya.

rock.
m$

comments

three cheers for technology. well maybe not three, but at least one or two. you see, the kind folks over at blogger.com finally made it possible for me to incorporate comments into this new-fangled inter-whatsit-mapage without having to learn anything new. i'm a big fan of not having to learn things. i'm also a big fan of learning things. i guess i just like to learn and/or not learn. any thoughts on that?

rock.
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post script: despite what that crazy computer over at the ol' blogger hq says, you can post as anonymously as you want to.

bath attack

so i just read this story. i think it is a very useful teaching tool. the lesson learned...empty your internet cache (or at least delete your search terms).

google + bathtub electrocution = awesome.
good work tiger, good work.

rock.
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japan 1, my brain 0

here's the scenario; little red riding hood is a japanese girl walking in the woods. she happens upon several forest creatures, a bear, a rabbit, a wolf, and a deer. upon encountering red and hearing the catchy little ditty she's singing they decide it's time to dance. so all five begin to do a modified version of "the hand jive"...oh yeah, did i mention that they are doing this dance while holding their enormous fur covered breasts (it should be noted that red still has all her clothing on so i cannot say for certain if her boobs are hairy or not, but she is still grasping them firmly). and just when you thought you were baffled a large racoon appears and entrances us with a dance solo. the racoon does not have hairy breasts. the racoon is a boy. of this i am certain. the dancing continues. suddenly they are all in front of a building. happiness abounds.

with character intro
without character intro

here's the list of the whole ad campaign. start at the top. you'll get to see all your favorite characters in brand new situations, as well as meeting a cheetah and a pig. life is grand.

rock.
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ted debiase advocates sexual integrity

i knew he became an evangelist and all, but i didn't know life was this sweet at the debiase camp! i love to imagine him "saving" a person and them slapping the million dollar dream on them, dropping them on the floor and stuffing a few c-notes in their mouth. as the song says, "everyone's got their price"...although it also says "money, money, money, money, moneeeeeeeeeeey."

my only stipulation is you have to play through the entire intro at least once.

rock.
m$

it's good to have goals

cleaning up today, i was going through some old papers when i happened upon a note written in my own handwriting;obviously a note-to-self for later. it read:

"take over the world w/ giant beehive"

i must have been feeling ambitious that day.

rock.
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if loving you is wrong, i don't wanna be right.

i love the internet. it's a place where things don't have to make sense, they just have to be. put together a global thought repository and this is what you end up with...
google image search: chomp. we live in a glorious era.

rock.
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conspiracy

sometimes i like conspiracy theory. the idea of the moon landing being faked sparks my curiosity. don't get me wrong, i'd like to think we made it there just like everyone else...but it's fun to raise questions. i also buy into the idea of the chapstick conspiracy (see also this guy's typey-typey). i've seen that shit ruin lives. i also saw a crazy french webpage about the plane crashing into the pentagon...then i peed my pants. or did i? there are several also other sites, and an article about how the french guy who set up the webpage, his name is thierry meyssan, put out a book about the crash. love it up.
faked photos
in-depth discussion
deflecting the conspiracy

rock.
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ninjas and getting kicked in the junk for "fun"

there is really not much to say about this page, other than the fact that it is straight up buck wildin'. i recently watched a show called martial arts:way of the warrior on fit tv (one of the discovery channel's satellite stations) and there were two styles that impressed me, ninpo was one. supposedly it's the real avenue of education for those who want to be true ninjas, including learning how to make powders to blind people, and kill everyone by any means necessary.
the other style that rocked my world was combat ki, where you essentially just learn to get the crap knocked out of you without blinking. seriously, people were just kicking each other in the throat for fun, well, for training really, but none the less. anyway, here's a link to a bunch of canadian ninjas combat ki'ing each other in the neck and throat.

rock.
m$

need info? call the jail woman!

topic at hand: a cnn news item

so i read this story, which is a wonderful testament to the brilliance of humanity. but then i got to the end of it and encountered something which i found amazingly odd. it was the line, "A woman who answered the phone at the jail said she did not know if Pike has a lawyer."

a woman who answered the phone at the jail...awesome.

rock.
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sore licker

so everytime i see that commercial for nutri-grain bars where people are jamming gigantic donuts around their waists i'm totally repulsed. not by the donuts or even the stupidity of the ad. no, the part that makes me want to die a thousand times is at the very end when the guy jams his finger into his bosses filling hole and scoops out the red goop and then licks it off of his finger.
what the hell!?! did the advertising execs say hey, let's concoct the most horrendous end to an advertisement ever. he sticks his finger into a red, gooey hole on the side of his superior's person, because the donut is representative of where unhealthy breakfast foods end up, in this case this guy's midsection.
so this freak sees a gaping hole in the side of the person standing next to him and his first reaction is to plunge his finger into it. then little jimmy the office peon feels the need to take the tainted, unholy digit, place it in his mouth, and suck the red scum off the appendage in question.
you are what you eat, eh? well, kudos to you kellogg company.

rock.
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up shiv creek without a monkey

so here's a little nugget of joy for you to snack on...people get hiv, human immunodeficiency virus. now supposedly hiv came from a monkey, who simply carried it without being affected by it, since primates suffer from siv, simian immunodefiency virus. so the monkey who spawned the viruses mutation temporarily had s/hiv, as in shiv. then he bit some hapless chump who thought that accosting a monkey was a good idea. that means the human race got shivved by a monkey tooth.

that realization makes me the happiest boy in the world.

rock.
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exoskeletons & nanopants

so i was reading about performance augmentation today. it used to be exoskeletons were all the rage, but now everyone is all about nanopants. well not necessarily nanopants per se, but nanotechnology; e.g. there is a big push for military clothing/accoutrements to use nanotechnology to shift patterns for better camouflage (so in essence nanopants). but don't you count exoskeltons out. darpa, the defense advanced research projects agency, is still doing all sorts of research on exoskeletons for human performance augmentation (ehpa), not to mention research in areas you didn't know existed. in fact many years ago the government had something called darpanet created, which eventually became the internet. so if you have some time to kill at a computer, or are just interested in seeing how government r&d money is being spent, go check out the different avenues of exploration; it's pretty badass.

rock.
m$

here grandma, memorize this...

sometimes i just find things that make me want to eat my own face. for example there is a webpage that sends telegrams to dead people. yes, that's right, i'll say it again so you don't have to re-read it; there is a webpage that sends telegrams to dead people. here is an excerpt from their webpage...

"For a donation of $5.00 per word (5 word minimum), we can have telegrams
delivered to people who have passed away. This is done with the help of
terminally Ill volunteers who memorize the telegrams before passing away, and
then deliver the telegrams after they have passed away. We call this an "afterlife
telegram".

now supposedly they don't keep your money, they donate it away to charity, or to help pay for the medical bills of the terminally ill person. none the less...doesn't anyone seem to realize how friggin stupid this whole operation is? i'm also a huge fan of the links to drugs on the intro page. way to be tiger, way to be.

then i found this little tidbit of information at newscientist.com today. half of all human languages face extinction in the upcoming century, a saddening fact if you ask me. but i suppose it must be done in order to achieve global unity (refer to the "i have a dream..." posting on 1/29/04).

rock.
m$

superboob

so after watching the game and being up after a night of productivity i managed to check out a still image on ananova.com, as well as obtaining some video footage of the "boob" incident. i don't care what anyone says, that was a lame-ass publicity stunt. watching justin timberlake fumble with the snap of janets boob cup thingy before it malfunctioned and flew off of her chest made me punch my own face. i hope this event ruins their careers, not because they did it, but because it is the dumbest thing that's ever happened at a superbowl halftime show.

not to mention the fact that cbs chose not to air this, which infuriates me infinitely. cbs, between janet, the lack of moveon.org's ad, and your spineless decision not to run the made-for-tv movie about the reagans you've really managed to drop the ball in the last few months. but don't worry, i'm sure they're already working damage control by planning 19 new "csi" spinoffs.

rock.
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i have a dream...

on martin luther king jr day i had a realization. with this new push for space exploration we're going to have to consider the possibility of life on other planets. as such we're going to have to start thinking on a global scale, at least in terms of peoples. the idea is that we aren't any particular race, other than human; strength in numbers maybe, or maybe just unity, who knows...the reason is moot.

anyway, in order to promote this i think the only way we can push for a global identity is by coming to terms with atrocities, persecution and the like. now, knowing humanity, the only way i can think to accomplish this is to make people feel like they're getting even, and paying out monetary reperations is pretty much out of the question. so here's the only feasible alternative i could come up with...

step 1) we tally up all of the injustices against people worldwide, but i don't mean on a personal scale. i mean on a secular scale; races, creeds, religions, etc. all get to file a grievance.

step 2) we assign each filing a random number via a supercomputer (all good plans involve supercomputers, you'd be wise to take note of that)

step 3) a lottery takes place, giving us a master list of the order in which these alternative reperations take place.

step 4) wait for aliens. once we find them, then they are persecuted. number one on the reperations lottery gets to go first, if for some reason they cannot complete their intended persecution within a certain time frame they forfit their turn and then number 2 gets a shot.

we keep doing this until we make everyone happy, or our planet is destroyed. none the less, the end result unifies us as a planet.

rock.
m$

an excerpt from the pamphlet of methuselah

...and the Lord spake saying, "Yea I go with thee in all thine travels lest ye shant find your own ass from a hole in the ground." And it was good.

rock.
m$