Note to Self: Consult Spaceman Spiff

So, as previously posted, NASA's got plans to build a big fat moon shack in the next score, not to be confused with a baker’s score. In the spirit of this I did a bunch of "research" (booze + typing = research) relating to the topic of moon life & lunar bases. But then I was interrupted by life and had to back-burner my little foray into interstellar hogwash. Well, daddy caught a break and penciled a little time into his date book for stupidity. In the words of Neil Innes, “Ladies and gentlemen I’ve suffered for my art long enough, now it’s your turn.”

So, as many people know, this recent plan for lunar denizenry is far from the first. In fact the US has planned on getting to and utilizing the moon in more ways than should be legally allowed. Some plans have included using the moon as the ultimate military high ground (Betcha’ didn’t see that one comin’ Sun Tzu, you wacky bastard!), or detonating a nuke on the surface just for shits and giggles. Awesome. But the real question that NASA and the global space community needs to be asking themselves is are we going to be arriving on an empty rock?

While it may be a satellite of the Earth, is the moon really the Earth’s satellite? Or has it been annexed by another species, and if so does that make our astronauts illegal aliens? What about Dennis Hope, the man who laid claim to the moon in 1980 and has been selling property rights ever since. And is anyone prepared for the possibility of engaging with a contingent of space-Nazis (that’s right, space-Nazis)? Luckily this is slated to be an international effort, so we can hopefully muster up a little Allied reunion if need be.

Speaking of which, just how excited is the international community about this? Alain Berinstain, the Canadian Space Agency's director of planetary exploration and space astronomy (as opposed to the widely popular undersea astronomy) proudly declared "Why not!" when asked if a Canadian could take part in the international effort. Oh, Canada! People may not realize that the Ruskies had a few plans for a moon base in their bag of tricks…if only they could have figured out that whole landing on the moon thing. Apparently the Chinese have also considered going the whole moon base route, but it seems they’re a bit off of the time table of regular moon trips by 2005.

Anyway you slice it the moon is a crazy place that rouses curiosity, conviction, and conspiracy; but at least you can still get work there.

rock.
m$

Can the Cavalcade of Cockamamie Conduct Continue?

Am I the only one who seems to think that it’s totally weird that Michael Vick used a little Aquafina "diversion safe" to transport some pot-scented fish food? I mean, don’t get me wrong, if the Miami-Dade police say he’s totally legal then who am I to argue. My only hope is that the NFL, and more importantly the Falcons decide to take some sort of serious recourse. Last time little Ronnie Mexico decided it was time for some off-field action he thought it prudent to brandish his dirty birds to the Georgia Domers and was hit with a total fine of $20,000 - 10 to the league and a mandated 10 to charity. Atlanta Hawks forward Josh Smith just got hit with a $25,000 fine for the same thing this past Saturday; a slightly larger fine on a guy with a substantially smaller salary. In fact this year Smith stands to make just under $1.5 million making the fine about a sixth of his salaried earnings. Vick stands to pull in a comparable amount ($1.4 million base salary) however he’s also earning an additional $7 million in bonuses this year. Suddenly it’s not such a big fine. Lesson learned? Apparently not. So now it’s time to see if fresh face Bobby P. can offer a little redirection to Atlanta’s favorite coach killer.

rock.
m$

Maybe They Just Like Burl Ives

Has it been seen and discussed before...yes. Do I care? No. Why? Because it's just effin' bad-ical. Vampire watermelons. If ever there were a reason to become a gypsy it's because of the concept of a vampire watermelon.

The belief in vampire fruit is similar to the belief that any inanimate object left outside during the night of a full moon will become a vampire. According to tradition, watermelons or any kind of pumpkin kept more than ten days or after Christmas will become a vampire, rolling around on the ground and growling to pester the living. People have little fear of the vampire pumpkins and melons because of the creatures' lack of teeth. One of the main indications that a pumpkin or melon is about to undergo a vampiric transformation (or has just completed one) is said to be the appearance of a drop of blood on its skin.

That is an amazingly choice passage...select even. In fact, according to the Journal of the Gypsy Lore Society (now published as Romani Studies) this phenomenon happens in pumpkins as well and after the aforementioned 10-day grace period and vampirism is attained "then the gathered pumpkins stir all by themselves and make a sound like 'brrrl, brrrl, brrrl!' and begin to shake themselves."

All is once again right in my world.

rock.
m$

I have a dream...

Hey everybody, let's make Monday, January 15th really special by honoring an amzing person who has made such a profound impact on lives everywhere...Warren Beatty. Aww heck, let's just make the whole day about stroking actor egos...I just hope none of this Morton King festival stuff takes away from television's Golden Globe coverage!

rock.
m$

Resolution: Elucidation Dispensation

Holy crap it's been a while since I've gotten to pollute the internet machine with more nonsense. My choice in careers has led me to live a life of extreme busitude (that's like being really busy, but with a dash of sass) as of late. Anyway, the end result is me not getting to play on the internet for quite some time. Sadness. And with the recent holiday onslaught I've logged a heapin' helpin' of mid-air man hours. But never fear, faithful readers (all none of you) there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon! It would appear that Lady Luck, the fickle bitch-goddess taskmaster of life, has shifted her attitude for the latitude of my platitude. And just as sure as Don Knotts can save orphan gold, I can continue to provide "quality" infotainment to the world at large.

rock.
m$