Well the results are in, Buffalo is the cryinest sports town ever. The Sabres bring tears of joy while the Bills, tears of pain. The Buffalo Silverbacks, however, confuse everyone to tears with their baffling multi-zoological referencing name/logo.
The Silverback, native to only the Western New York Region, is the most ferocious of the “tiger” family.What the hell?-Silverbacks website
At first I wasn't going to write anything, just make a snarky comment or two while watching tv (as I am oft prone to do) however with the ceaseless and inescapable barrage of a particular advertisement I feel as though it is my civic duty to take some sort of action...for the sake of the children.
No doubt that you have by now seen Burger King's new commercial "The Rut Cracker Suite" where The King sends forth his baryshnikovian shock troopers on an unwitting snack machine patron. The ladies render Joey Vends-too-much snackless and proceed to enchant and ensare him with their dollar bill encrusted tutus and terpsichorean delights. Our captivated protagonist is then sent before his royal creepiness to choose a newer, more "flame broiled" temptation; a snack to lift this poor hungry fellow out of his everyday doldrums and instead catapult him headlong to a magical land of platinum-electroplated dreams and nougat-filled wishes. But then the viewing public is blindsided by a cross promotional twist that sends the commercial suddenly careening into uncharted fast food territories.
It seems that the BK brass have decided to allow The King to plug his escort service as one of the ballerinas thrusts her hands into the unwitting gourmand's trouser pockets. She proceeds to fish around for a few seconds before a quick cut away to her finishing her hand-jive and then retrieving a single dollar from the man's front pocket. It should be noted that just before we leave our "dancer" she appears to just be getting warmed up for a marathon game of "pool" and yet after the cut away it would appear as though the eightball has just been sunk into the final pocket. And with that our tale comes to a close as the girls float away ebulliently and Johnny Snacks-a-lot, still perched in front of Daddy Sweet King, mindlessly masticates with a shit-eating grin emblazoned across his physiognomical region.
Talk about having it your way...damn! I only mention this because it seems as though the general public is in no way surprised or even mildly grossed out by this bizarre display of The Kings unmitigated powers. Am I seriously alone in not thinking that this was delightfully cute? And does that mean that I'm the only one who was freaked out when Pizza Hut and Verizon unveiled their stupid buy-a-pizza-encircled-with-cheese-goiters-get-a-cell-phone deal? Are we really that desensitized/unaware/passive/oblivious/moronic that the general population is willing to cry out "Dude, whatever sort of dumptruck idea you can concoct we will not only accept it, but support it with everything green in our wallets!"? That makes me a sad panda. This however, does not.
rock.
m$
There are times in life when things get good and then on closer inspection they end up out of this world good. For example, the CBA is expanding into Atlanta and the new team was slated to be called the Atlanta Krunk. That's pretty effin' crackerjack if you ask me. But wait, it turns out the team decided to pay homage to a fallen athletics program by renaming the team the Atlanta Krunk Wolverines. I'm sorry what...did you just say the Krunk Wolverines? Yes disembodied italicized voice, yes I did.
Now if ever there were a sports team name to be afraid of it would be a Krunk Wolverine. A wolverine is a pretty ruinous animal when it's just idling at 400 cph (casualties per hour). When the damn thing gets pissed off you've got yourself a 3-foot WMD...but krunk (I'm assuming this is an alternate spelling for 'crunk')? Can anyone really fathom the unbridled wrecking power that would radiate from such a creature? I think not. The devil himself dare not dream of such a beast for fear it might come into existence! Beware Albany Patroons! Krunk Wolverines are known for their insouciance towards the legalities of purlieus in New Netherland!
Needless to say, I'm eagerly awaiting the unveiling of team merchandise. In the meantime I've been content to revel in the new look of the Milwaukee Admirals and the A-1 super status of my beloved Sabres.
rock.
m$
